An Impassioned Plea to Men Everywhere

Dear Menfolk:

I don’t get it. 

I don’t care if you’re a regular Joe, a football player, a politician, or a stripper – a gentleman’s genitalia is not attractive.  

So what the hell makes you think we want to, A) see it, or B) do anything with it just because you showed it to us?

I realize that most of the species in the animal kingdom pick up ladies by utilizing their impressive physical features and sexy mating squawks, but I was under the impression that we homo sapiens had become more evolved.  Sure, physical characteristics are important to us ladies to some degree, but there are better ways of catching our attention than wagging your winkie at us.  Sure, some muscles might be nice, or good hair - but how about we try dressing well, being intelligent, having good manners?  None of these things, which I’m willing to bet would interest most women, involve nudity.  A nice smile will catch my attention quicker than your crotch.  

In fact, on that note, I would like to issue a challenge.  I would be willing to bet serious money (ok, I’d bet someone else’s money, since I’m unemployed with a large amount of debt, but you get the idea) that no woman in her right mind would tell you she agreed to marry you, date you, even let you buy her a drink, all because you  just up and showed her your special parts and she liked what she saw.  Committing the crime of indecent exposure isn’t a good way to pick up chicks.  It’s also not a good way of keeping one once you catch her – I’m sure you can do some special tricks with it, and that’s great and we’re happy you can, but we still don’t need to look at it.  Not on Twitter, not in an e-mail, not on our phones, not in person.  Not only do we not want to look at it, but we’re going to get damn sick of the news headlines and late night standup jokes if you’re famous and the pictures get leaked (which, let’s face it, they always do).  No matter what kind of naughty acrobatics you can perform, it’s still the body part which most assures us that God indeed did have a sense of humor when he created man, and absolute proof that he liked Eve more than Adam.  He clearly wasn't just scraping the bottom of the barrel for leftover, misshapen parts when he put her together.

On behalf of women everywhere, I beg of you, in the name of all that is good and holy in the world – please, pretty pretty please, figure out a better way of attracting women.

Sarcasmo
Only this time, I’m not being sarcastic – I really, really, really want men to stop showing off their kibbles and bits.)

PS - This is another blog post I found that shares my confusion and distaste for such behavior.  Enjoy.  http://qcreport.blogspot.com/2011/06/ive-got-to-hand-it-to-me.html