And The Award Goes To . . .

So the Golden Globes were this past Sunday. I was unable to watch it live, but I’ve watched it since, so I figured I’d share a few thoughts. Before I begin, I’m going to give my usual warning – don’t judge. I LOVE awards shows. I don’t care if it’s all Hollywood politics. I love the dresses and outfits, I love the stars, I love watching the stars interact, I love the reactions, all of it. I know I’m not alone, but I know a lot of readers don’t give a rat’s ass who won the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a TV Series Drama – so read or don’t read, just know you’re getting another one of these when the Oscars roll around. And the Emmy’s. Maybe even the SAG Awards. It’s going to be long, and it’s going to be self-indulgent as hell, but I feel like talking about it – so deal with it.

Firstly, after reading several articles, recaps, and reviews, I would like to send a resounding “suck it” to Hollywood in general. Particularly you, Bruce Willis (to whom I would also like to say, Own Your Shit). Ricky Gervais was a freaking riot. I’ve loved him since I first saw the British version of "The Office", 5 or 6 years ago, and he remains one of my favorite comedians. Grow a sense of humor, guys, and stop taking yourselves so seriously! I have a fear that we’ll end up with another situation like after Janet Jackson’s Superbowl performance a few years ago – something happens that is deemed scandalous, and we’ll be doomed to be entertained by old unfunny white guys for 5 or 6 years until everybody stops talking about it.

How completely awesome is Robert Downey Jr.? It’s no secret I have a deep, undying love for him (second perhaps only to my shameless infatuation with Johnny Depp), but my god the man deserves it. Hands down, best single presenter of the night. Best presenting duo goes to Steve Carrell and Tina Fey, funny and with impeccable timing, as always. Or perhaps Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, because their quips at Gervais were actually clever, they were funny overall, and I basically love anything Tom Hanks does.

Speaking of presenters, I would very much like the job of deciding who presents, and with whom they present, and what they would present. I also want to know why the presenting of the Best Picture nominees was in some cases done by stars of the respective movies, and in some cases by absolutely random human beings. Do one or the other folks. For instance, with The King’s Speech – don’t tell me you couldn’t get Helena Bonham Carter’s exemplary batshit nuttery up there. And who decided Megan Fox should present for The Tourist? Because that was genius. I would absolutely love to take an epic star, like Robert De Niro, and pair him with Justin Bieber and make him present Best Foreign Feature or something equally as random. I would amuse myself to no end playing games with that. Or take a hugely important film like Inception, and get the entire cast of Twilight to present it. Same goes for the seating chart – I get that with the Globes, there is some degree of perceived “importance” involved, and studios and networks buy tables and all that. So you have your De Niro’s and Pacino’s up front, but then you get a Michelle Pfeiffer up front, and for heaven’s sake, it took Katey Sagal forty three minutes to get to the stage. I want to mix and match tables. I mean, the table with Jimmy Fallon and LL Cool J had to be having a BLAST.

I love the little things nobody really notices. I loved Tim Allen looking utterly bored because none of this really involved him. He didn’t even get a reaction shot for Toy Story 3’s big win until the end of the speech, the cameras (rightly) spent way more time on Tom Hanks. I loved Robert Pattinson staring down at Olivia Wilde’s dress, wondering how the hell he was supposed to get around it to the microphone. I love the shots of Lea Michele, who I really truly just do not care for, staring into the camera and giving the fakest act of enthusiasm and surprise for her costars, right down to wiping a tear away from noticeably dry eyes (and then losing her own award). I love the shots of stars who don’t realize that the cameras are on them and they are on air, like odd facial expressions from Peter Facinelli, or Dennis Quaid pouting because he lost to Al Pacino (come on, Dennis, you played Bill Clinton well, but Al Pacino was Dr. Kevorkian - death trumps democrat every time). I love when winners thank the presenters for their award – you realize they just handed it over to you, they didn’t actually grant you the award, right?

This isn’t really relevant to the awards . . . but is there anybody in the world creepier than Ian McShane? Good Lord. One shot of him in the audience, and it put a significant damper on the show. I really think he might actually be the Grim Reaper.

There were some awesome acceptance speeches. I’m not a big Christian Bale fan, but his was great. Jane Lynch was a riot – “I am nothing if not falsely humble” was a beautiful line. Colin Firth was surprisingly funny and clever for a Brit who occasionally comes off as very dry – triangle of man-love, Geoffrey Rush as his geisha, it was great. I love it when you can tell somebody is genuinely excited and happy, like Chris Colfer for his Supporting Actor win, and Jim Parsons and Kaley Cuoco for Parsons’ Best Actor in a TV Comedy win.

I can’t even quibble with most of the wins, given the respective nominees (I won’t discuss my thoughts on nominees, as it would take forever and I’m still bitter over some). As far as the TV awards go, I was especially thrilled for Katey Sagal (it’s about damn time "Sons of Anarchy" gets some kind of recognition, it’s easily one of the best dramas on TV) and Jim Parsons. Lead Actor in a TV Drama was a stacked category, and while I don’t think Steve Buscemi would have been my choice for the win, I totally understand it, "Boardwalk Empire" is classic award bait. I question "Glee" and Chris Colfer’s wins a bit though . . . I don’t care for the show much at all, but I really wouldn’t strictly call it a comedy. As one writer put it, “yeah, Colfer was hilarious in that episode where his dad almost died.” While Colfer has clearly been a great actor, and his genuine surprise was precious, it’s not a comedy performance, especially this season. I still would have gone with Eric Stonestreet, Cam from "Modern Family". To be fair, the Golden Globes, unlike the Emmy’s, just lumps all the supporting actors into one big award without a distinction between comedy and drama, so he didn’t really win a comedy acting award, but the show itself was nominated as a comedy. And there is no way on this green Earth you can justify to me that "Glee" has been a better comedy than "Modern Family". As for the movies, I think it’s hilarious (despite my deep love for him) that Johnny Depp had two fifths of the Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical Film nominations and still didn’t win. I haven’t seen much about Barney’s Version, but I’ve heard good things about it, so I won’t quibble with Paul Giamatti’s win over him. And furthermore, I’m sure Depp is thrilled that while this prestigious awards show is airing, during which he is nominated for two acting awards and a couple of movies featuring him are nominated as well, commercials continuously air pimping his new movie, a cheesy animated flick in which he voices a lizard. Colin Firth and Natalie Portman’s wins were no surprises, and absolutely well deserved. The Social Network’s win for Best Motion Picture Drama is the big shocker for me. I really thought it would go to Inception, with Black Swan as the dark horse, or even The King’s Speech, which seemed like a pretty clear favorite for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (and myself).

All that recap, and I didn’t even mention Sandra Bullock’s BANGS, Natalie Portman’s rose, or January Jones being January Jones (and she wonders why nobody takes her seriously). All in all, I thought it was a great example of an awards show. Most presenters and winners were fun and funny – Michael Douglas even made a fun off-the-cuff cancer quip. I look forward to the Oscars (nominations out on January 25th), especially since the Globes are considered a kind of precursor or sneak preview as to how things are likely to go down. The Oscars don’t distinguish between comedy and drama, so it’s interesting to see which respective winners beat the other out. But the Oscars are never as much fun as the Globes . . . they’re taken way more seriously, the actors don’t get to drink through them, and they aren’t being hosted by Ricky Gervais.

Sarcasmo

Currently Excited About: the fact that I only had to buy 3 textbooks for this semester, and one only cost $40. The other two were more expensive and much larger, but hey, it’s a far cry from the days of 10 books for 4 classes at like $872. It takes little to excite me these days.