Kiss This

Wednesday I took the final exam from hell. Four and a half hours, and I used almost every damn minute of it writing full-length treatises on the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, the Endangered Species Act, and other fun environmental statutes.

About halfway through, I needed a break. I left the room to walk up and down the hallway to stretch my legs for a minute, and went to the bathroom. As I was sitting there in the stall, minding my own business while doing my business, I noticed a big, red lipsticky, open-mouthed kiss print on the stall wall.

I have been troubled by this for days.

I’ve come up with several scenarios, all completely ridiculous and none justify the act. Not just the part where it’s disrespectful and tacky and unnecessary – but really, who does this? Graffiti is one thing, but this is different – this is getting to first base with a piece of public property. What’s the thought process here? Did someone do it for fun, thinking they were cute? Did they not consider that people TOUCH those walls, after having done their business but before reaching the sink, and that probably the cleaning crew doesn’t disinfect the walls on a regular basis? I can’t imagine how one thinks this is a good idea. “HaHA! I shall kiss this wall, and whoever enters next will know that someone sexual and cute and fun was here before them!”

Was someone spending too long in the stall, and decided to multitask, freshening up their lipstick whilst they sat? And then, upon finishing, needed to blot, but had used the last of the toilet paper? And didn’t have time to stop at the sink and apply cosmetics in front of the mirror? Let me remind you – it was an open mouth print. Free for germs to just float on into your mouth. Just opening your tube of lipstick in there is gross, waving it around for all of the stall cooties to land on it before you put it on your lips.

What’s even more troubling is that this was a stall in the law building. Sure, someone could have been visiting or passing through, but the odds are better that a potential future attorney did this. You should all just hire me from here on out, just to be safe. I can guarantee I don’t kiss bathroom walls.

Sarcasmo

Currently Excited About:  making (and eating) Magic Cookie Bars.  Best Christmas treat EVER.