Growing up, my parents always made sure my sisters and I knew that developing our intelligence was of paramount importance. “Good enough” was never good enough – we had to be the best we could be. I knew kids who were bribed to make A’s on their report cards, with money or treats. We made A’s because one is supposed to make A’s – it’s just what you should do, not something you should be paid off to do. I wish more people were raised with such a demanding insistence on education and taking pride in being intelligent – the world would be a better place in general, and people wouldn’t drive me so crazy.
I don’t know how they decided that this is what would be stressed to us. Maybe they put their heads together when I was born and decided “OK, we want kids with good manners, who won’t do drugs, and will make straight A’s.” In any event, that’s what they got. We are some of the most well-mannered girls you will ever have the pleasure to meet, we do not do drugs, and we get good grades in school without having to be hounded. We are hellions in all other respects. Perhaps they should have been more specific.
As an example of just how badly my parents wanted intelligent children, consider the following event.
In 2006, the Will Ferrell movie Talladega Nights came out. Being children raised not only to be intelligent, but to also love Nascar (yes, the two can go together), naturally my sisters and I loved it. My middle sister a little more so than the rest of it. She took a particular liking to one scene, where one of Ricky Bobby’s sons, when asked about how his day went at school, launched into the following speech: “My teacher asked me, ‘What’s the capital of North Carolina?’ And I said ‘Washington D.C.’ And she said ‘No! You’re wrong!’ I said “You got a lumpy butt!” Then she got mad and yelled at me, and I peed my pants!”
Once the movie was out on DVD, she had it memorized in no time. She would run around spouting it off to anybody who would listen. Most people hadn’t seen the movie and would just smile and nod in a confused fashion, as people tend to do with my sister. One day she sprang it on my dad. He immediately went red in the face, a sure sign of impending rage. “MEGAN!” he exclaimed. “I can’t BELIEVE you thought the capital of North Carolina was Washington D.C.! You know better than that!! You’re smarter than that!!”
He didn’t care that she told her teacher she had a lumpy butt.
He ignored the fact that she’d said she peed her pants.
He was just pissed that she didn’t know the capital of North Carolina.
Megan was shocked for a moment. I don’t think she realized at first that he was actually taking her quote-spouting seriously. I also don’t think my mother and I have ever laughed so hard. We may have come close to actually peeing our pants. Even after we got out the DVD and showed him the scene from the movie, he was still skeptical, still questioning my sister to make sure she knew the capital of North Carolina, and still unbothered by her peeing her pants.
What’s really funny about the whole thing was that to this day I’m not sure my dad actually knew what the capital of North Carolina was.
Sarcasmo
Currently Excited About: The upcoming season 2 premier of Archer. If you have never seen it, I highly recommend it, even though I know that style-wise, it's not a show everyone will appreciate. But it is well-written, witty and clever, has a great cast, and is laugh-out-loud funny as hell. How do you not love a show with a catch phrase like "Call Kenny Loggins, because you're in the Danger Zone"?
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