That's What She Said

I don’t know if all of you are guilty of this behavior, but I know my family and I certainly are. I in particular regularly commit this high level of hypocrisy. I hate for other people to speak for me, to put words in my mouth. I hate for people to assume what I would say, how I would react to things.


And yet, I speak for my dog.

On a regular basis no less. Maddie, my mom’s 3 year old Yorkie, is a puppy full of personality. I swear she’s the closest to human I’ve ever seen an animal other than a monkey be. She snorts and scoffs at things she doesn’t like. She can shoot deathly glares when you disrupt her napping patterns. We’ve used these cute little traits to develop a somewhat larger than life persona for her. According to the words we give her, she is a diva of extraordinary proportion hell-bent on world domination and the acquisition of thumbs. But only if her momma can come with her. And only if she has a nice blankie to snuggle on. And squirrels to chase. And no cats. We have decided she finds humans (other than her momma, of course) to be quite tedious – they always need to be walked, they have to constantly be reminded where the treats are, they always forget the proper way to lay on the couch, so on and so forth. So much upkeep.

We, of course, think it’s hilarious, and she, of course, shoots her humans looks of utter disdain. I always wondered if other people do this as well. If they run around during their daily lives saying “Maddie says this . . .” and “Maddie wants that . . .” or if we were the only ones so hard up for entertainment.

I also wonder if we’ve gotten it completely wrong. It’s fun to create what we think she is, and to try to figure out what’s going on in that diabolical little puppy mind. But for all we know she could prefer little puppy cargo pants and flannel over her fussy pink sweaters.

Through reading the Huffington Post I have found at least one person as amused by his conceptualized puppy personality as I am. He even created a Twitter account for her. Don’t worry, I’m not so out there that I would do the same. But Birdie is a pretty funny dog to follow, with such fun quips as “It’s weird when a dog at the dog park doesn’t want to play. This is the dog park, not the boring asshole park” and “Spent night on roommate’s bed rather than in kennel. Guess that makes morning walk a walk of shame. Wearing same leash as yesterday too. Eek.” Birdie sounds similar to our Maddie. In fact, it’s probably a good thing they’ll never meet. Check it out here: http://twitter.com/birdiepup

Sarcasmo


Currently Excited About: Being 1 final exam away from Christmas break. All you people with jobs who thought I was nuts for going to school for one more year – suck it!